Day 91

I talked with Glenna today.  She is wonderful.  She always has an interesting way of saying things.  We both went to see my grandpa.  We were there about 35 minutes.  It went pretty well.  I drove a lot today.  When I drive I have a chance to think.  So I thought a lot too.

There are places which will always have a special place in my heart...and usually I was at those places alone:  the first time I went to San Francisco alone, the first time I went to Joshua Tree alone, the trip I took to Utah/Az alone, and last spring break's trip to Stinson Beach, again, alone.  I did a trail run up the mountain from Stinson Beach in Mt Tamalpais (sp?) State Park.  It was an incredible experience.  I felt so good, so much so, that I want to trail run again.  But I finally realized today that it wasn't because I was alone that I had an amazing time.  And it wasn't because I was trail running.  It was because I felt free.

I like other people.  I really do.  I think this has been hard to see the past 20 or so months.  I need to find a way to "feel free" with other people around.  I need to learn how to truly compromise when conflicts arise. I don't think I know how to really do this because, in my mind, compromise usually means letting the other person have what they want and trying to be happy with it.  I don't see compromise as sometimes getting what I want because then I'd just feel bad about it.  Crazy, I know.  This is why this entire thing, I almost wrote "mess", is such an ongoing, baby step, kind of process.  But I do feel like I'm taking steps in the correct direction.  I don't want to mess that up.  I have to keep working at getting better.