Day 90

I have had a really good spring break.  I really needed the break.  I was able to decompress and to think and to take time for myself.  I need to figure out how to do these things when school is in full swing.

I rowed today.  10,000m in 47:49.  I think it helped me mentally more than anything to see that I could row that long without taking a break.  Now the thought of rowing a marathon on May 9th doesn't seem so far off.  I'd only need to do that 3 more times and then an extra 2194m for "fun".  At least I think that's the correct distance.

I went to the pancake house this morning with the best friend I've ever had.  I had ham, 2 eggs, and sourdough pancakes.  I ate 3 of the 4 pancakes and felt really good about the entire experience.  No falling off the cliff the rest of the day.  80%, 90% of the time.  Average has never felt this good.  The "feeling good" book was right.  Wow.

I almost want to cry right now and for once it's not because I'm drowning my sorrows in food wondering what the hell I'm doing.  Progress!  Even if it's baby steps.  At least I feel like I'm moving forward again.  But I need to remind myself that setbacks are inevitable and a part of life.  When, not if, they happen I need to not go off the deep end.  It helps me deal if I'm not taken off guard by things.  I think that's why of the three "grandma" figures in my life, I wish they all could have ended their lives like Grandma Ruth.  I miss them all.  I'm seeing my grandpa tomorrow.  I called him this evening to make sure it was ok that I came to visit.  He sounded excited and told me to drive carefully.  I'm hoping it goes well.