Uhh, so today wasn't any better. It was worse. I didn't eat any sugar but I overate like crazy. Way too much food. I think I was anxious that my parents were coming down tomorrow and then I got a message saying they weren't coming down and that made me cry. What?!? So as I was driving back from the boys basketball game in Irvine I was trying to figure out what in the world is going on. I left Laura a message last week saying I don't have enough money to see her the rest of this month and really I don't know if I want to see her anymore at all. Talking with her has been helpful but at the same time I need to figure out how to "deal with life" in non-destructive ways and I don't think she can help me do that.
In the past I've gone shopping, poked at my cuticles til they bleed, eaten a ton of sugary foods, and just overeaten in general as ways to deal. Today I went with the 4th option. Not good. Days like this suck because the "what would life look like tomorrow if I wasn't here" thoughts creep into my head. I'd never do anything with these thoughts because I wouldn't do that to my family or friends. I feel like my grandma did that to us. I'm not mad at her anymore but I was for a long time.
I didn't row or workout today at all and these sucky days tend to happen on the days I take off from the gym. Tomorrow is 80's dress-up day at the gym so that should be fun. I really need to get some sleep. The silver lining is that I didn't fall face first into a ton of sugar today and I feel pretty good about that part.
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