Days 231 and 232

I'm just glad this whole week and weekend are over.  Time to try again.  I realized tonight that when I dive into eating oblivion, which I definitely pictured as a cliff this evening as I drove to get cupcakes, that I'm basically saying, "eff you world" and probably more accurately, "eff you God".  And for some reason knowing that did not keep me from doing it.  I know I need God's help, but I don't want to need it.  I have doubts.  I just want to understand.