Day 191

It was a good day.  I did arts and crafts with kids at church.  I looked for a bridesmaid's dress.  I wrote more letters.  I cooked up some ground bison.  It was tasty!  I went to the doctor's and I used my yoda backpack for the first time and went to Disneyland.  No gym today.  I needed the break.

Day 190

I get so tired at night that I forget to write anything.  Yesterday was a good day.  I went to Costco, mostly for eggs, spinach, mushrooms, and a huge thing of Kleenex to take to school in September that was on sale.  I went to an open house for a graduating senior.  I went to the gym.  I spent a lot of time writing more unsent letters.  I'm at about the last 4 I think.  They are all to me.  The part of me that thinks I need to be perfect.  The me that hates conflict.  The me that still feels overweight.  And the me that feels unloved.  I know none of these are either true or good for me.  And yet a lot of the time I operate as if they were true.  From reading some depression/self-esteem literature I know that these thoughts are "distorted" and as soon as I can convince myself that they are distorted and that there is a more logical way to be thinking about things, I know I'll feel "better".

Day 189

Today was a good day.  I went to the gym.  I went to a party.  I wrote a few unsent letters.  I cooked sunchokes for the first time.  I went to church.  I talked to my parents about an appointment I have Monday at Kaiser.  That was the only down moment...when I had to remind my dad why I was thinking about getting some medication.  Yeah, good times right there.  I just tell myself that my parents aren't dumb, they just have a lot going on too.  That helped a bit.  I'm tired so I'm headed to bed.  If I try to stay up, I think "bad" things will happen.  I know that sleep is good!

Day 188

I think I have a sore throat.  My mom would tell me to gargle salt water.  I should probably do that.  I went out to lunch today and ordered what I thought would be a "safe" food...cobb salad.  Well, it was really cajun chicken cobb salad now that I think about it.  For most of the day I was thinking the chicken was coated in some breading, which I wasn't super happy about, but now writing this I'm thinking maybe it was just the "cajun" spices.  I don't really know at this point.  Oh well.  I'm on day 12 of pretty conscious eating.  I'm trying to avoid all sugar stuff and dairy too.  I went back to the rowing class tonight in Long Beach.  We did these pyramid things where you do 3 strokes easy and then 3 hard and build up to maybe 10 or 12 and then come back down.  It's a leg killer.  But fun too, in a way.  Alright...salt water here I come.

Day 187

I have written 10 "unsent letters" so far today.  It is a bit of a draining experience.  The last one was to kindergarten aged me so I started to cry almost immediately.  I knew that would happen which is why I wrote all of the other letters first I think.  I ate 4 times today.  I tried out a "japanese" yam.  I did not really like the texture as much as a typical garnet (?) sweet potato.  But I am happy to be trying something new.  I am hot and tired.  Maybe sleep is a good idea.

Day 186

Another good day.  I sorted through all my recipes today by category and I put them in "sleeves" so they are all organized and ready to use.  Then I actually tried two of the recipes.  One was great.  I had tried that one before but I couldn't remember if it was good.  It was!  But then again I like broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots.  The other recipe was REALLY spicy shrimp.  I think the sauce was supposed to be a marinade and not an actual sauce.  That would explain a lot.  I rowed today and didn't pass out which was nice.  I did some overhead squats and some squat snatches at the gym tonight and I only ended up on my butt once.  Tomorrow may be my Star Wars Marathon Day...6 movies???  Hmm...

Day 185

Life's been pretty good these past few days.  I am being productive in cleaning up my condo and that is doing wonders for my brain.  I'm going to the gym.  Rowing has taken a back seat to running right now.  Until October 7th, which is the Long Beach Marathon, I think I need to not row so much.  Running and rowing destroys my legs and then I can't lift weights either.  And I like to lift so bye-bye rowing for now.  With that said I'm about to go to a rowing class in Long Beach.  It should be interesting.  I'm redeeming a month's membership to this gym until August 17th.  It was on sale for $29 through "Living Social".  They usually charge $20 per class if you just want to drop in.  Crazy.  I've been to 3 classes so far.  Let's hope I don't pass out.