Day 114

I had two eggs, 3 slices of bacon and about 2 cups of broccoli for breakfast.  The rest of the day was spent eating 7 think thin bars at 230-240 calories each.  Not the best plan but I was around 2400 calories for the day so ehh, whatever.

I did a terrible workout at the gym tonight: 10 rounds of row 250m and do 15 burpees.  It took forever.  Also, whatever.

I'm tired.  And I need to bottle feed a newborn kitten.

Days 112 and 113

Sunday was ok but I was hungry all day because of the half marathon.  I ate a bunch but I didn't overeat.

Today I've probably overeaten.  Again, "bars, bars, bars".  Nothing else really sounded good today.  I had eggs, bacon, and broccoli.  I had salmon, veggies, and artichoke hearts.  The rest of the day it was "bars, bars, bars".  Ugh.

Depression 2 class started tonight.  It was ok.  Should be interesting.  No rowing today.  Saving that for Wednesday when I try to row a marathon.  We shall see.

Days 110 and 111

Well I ate 4 bagels between Friday and Saturday.  I cannot for the life of me remember what I ate Friday for dinner which probably means it was "bars, bars, bars" again.  I ran in the OC 1/2 Marathon today.  I did not train for it specifically.  I ran 3 miles last Sunday and they were not "great" miles at all so when I signed up Wednesday night for the 1/2 I was not clearly thinking.  Well, maybe I was.  The week of grandmas' passing was ending.  I needed to "do" something for me.  And running for 2+ hours with no music where you don't have to worry about being mugged or run over by a car is for me.  I got to think.  I got to listen to myself breathe.  We ran by the ocean.  We went by the beach I was at when Dad called to say Mim had died.  We went by a beautiful terraced garden that was blooming with gorgeous pink flowers.  It was great running weather.  And I finished in 2:12:35, a pr by about 9 minutes.  I may not be completely happy with my weight as a number but I'm happy that I'm healthy.  I know I'm healthy, and maybe I've known that for awhile but I needed something like this to "prove it" to myself.  I also know that right now the motto, "Just keep going", doesn't just apply to running.  The second cycle of depression classes start tomorrow at Kaiser.  According to cognitive therapy, I need to "think" myself better.  Just keep going.

Day 109

I ate too many bars after I posted on Wednesday and I ate too many bars again last night.  I keep saying I need a better way to deal with stress.  I need to sit and think in my "normal" moments and figure something out that will "work" when I'm having a "crazy/anxious" moment.

I am so glad this week is almost over.  Only 28 days, I think, until graduation.

Day 108

I made it through the day.  Yay.  I didn't reflect too much.  Maybe this weekend I can do that or Friday night.  Unfortunately I have to plan time to think.  Otherwise it doesn't happen.  My calories are done for the day.  Ahhh.  I'm again wide awake at 10:30.  This needs to end.  There are less than 30 school days to go.  Bring on the summer.  I rowed 6000m tonight, not in the intervals like I had planned, but 6000m nonetheless.  I'm ok with that for now.  Gotta see what happens in a week.  Mind games to be sure.  I don't think I've ever done anything but walk for 4+ hours.  That may change.  :)

Day 107

I've been staying up way too late.  I'm just wide awake.  Not good.  I've used up all my calories for the day.  The milk frother works with fat free milk!  No more starbucks for me.  Woohoo.  It did not work with the coconut milk but I think I'm ok with that.  I did eat 3 "bars" today but it was spread out through the day and not compulsively so that was a plus.  I was going to row but I was so done after the workout I did at the gym that I decided to row tomorrow instead...after going to the dentist.  Ahhh.

I talked to my great-aunt for about ten minutes on the phone.  I've got the details worked out to see her this weekend.  At one point in the conversation I almost wanted to cry.  She said she's been thinking about her sister a lot recently and I thought, well yeah, she died a year ago tomorrow.  Sadness all around.  She said my grandma used to tell her that I was "such a little lady".  I don't remember that, which is too bad.  Oh well.  Life goes on.

Day 106

I forgot until just now that I didn't write anything yesterday.  It was a rest day from the gym so no rowing.  For day three of counting calories, I guess it went alright.  I was right at 2400, by my estimations, with help from the Calorie King book.  I drank a lot of those calories yesterday in the form of milk (with coffee and stevia).  I woke up a little bit hungry.  Maybe instead of 2 medium lattes, today I'll only have one.  And really the 2 is 3 but one of them I made at home with coconut milk and the CBTL milk frother that doesn't really work with coconut milk.  I'm going to try it with regular milk to see if that's the problem.  It's an interesting gadget, that I probably didn't need, nonetheless.

Back to rowing today.  It's supposed to be 4 sets of 1500m with 3 minutes rest.  I hate intervals.  Blah.