Day 137

Today wasn't a whole lot better.  I've realized when I say, "I can't handle it" that I think the "it" is referring to life.  I'm trying to get to a calmer place.  I'm really hoping that place exists and that I can find it when "summer" starts on June 15.

Day 136

Ehh, I was out late last night.  I overate on nuttzo butter, a blend of 7 nuts and seeds.  I'm just a tad stressed right now.  Ha.  And I never really know how to "handle it".  On Tuesday I visited a coffee shop three times and yesterday I ate nut butter.  I think the coffee shop is the better way to go.  The coffee only has 200-250 calories due to the milk in the lattes.  The nuttzo butter was closer to 1000 calories last night. Ugh.  Today will be better.

Day 135

A kid from AP Stats sent me a message on Facebook complaining about their grade last night.  So this morning I woke up pissed and that feeling only passed in fleeting moments today and then it was back.  When I finally made it to the gym, I mentioned that I was really close to the proverbial edge.  Ugh.  I rowed 5000m and that helped.  I had coffee three times today.  Wow, that's a max.  I just needed to get through this day.  Watching my dad, from a distance, deal with all the stuff that needs to happen for my grandpa's service has been so sad and hard for me.  It pretty much breaks my heart.  Words can't really express how I feel for my dad right now.  And that sucks.  Then I read a book called "Season of Life" about football and making boys into men.  I'm reading it this afternoon at a Coffee Bean and I'm crying.  The dude sitting next to me probably thought I was crazy.  Whatever.  Only three more days this week.  I can make it.

Day 134

Murph went alright but I was SLOW.  12 minutes slower than when I did the workout in late November. Oh well.  I'm going to try again, sooner rather than later, because getting such a bad time is a bit annoying.  And really it's not all bad.  It's always nice just to finish a workout like that.  :)

There's only 13 school days left and I'll be taking one off for funeral stuff.  I need this year to be over but at the same time going to school gives my day a purpose so I dunno how it's gonna go when summer hits.

Day 133

The day has been alright.  I didn't really want to be at church, but I went.  After lunch I went to look at outdoor chairs.  The adirondack chairs at Cost Plus were nice but you have to buy the cushion separately. No thanks.  I need to save some money for summer.  :)  I "only" ate three times today but I did have a homemade cinnamon roll, really two halves, one with nuts and one without.  Worth it.  Rest day from the gym.  Tomorrow we're doing a workout named "Murph" after a military man who lost his life overseas.  You run a mile, do 100 pull-ups (I'll use a band to help me out with that.  Ha.), 200 push-ups, 300 air squats and then run another mile.  That much exercise is really more like brain training than physical training.  Whatever.  I agreed to be there so I'm gonna go.

Day 132

Good day.  Ate alright.  Had a roll at Lucilles.  Took a nap but still sooo tired.  Sleep now seems like a good idea.

Day 131

Yesterday was good except for a brief moment around 5pm when I suddenly got really anxious and I wanted to eat something.  I didn't plan the night before for the first time in the past few weeks and that proved to be a bad idea.  So at 5 I had about 1/2 cup of macadamia nuts, a packet of almond butter, and a banana that I definitely didn't need to eat.  Oh well.  I moved on pretty well I think.